Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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