listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
