all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
