Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Are we still banned from the library?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
