Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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