I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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