you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
