I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
