Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
