I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
