Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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