Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
