On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
