I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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