I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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