i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
