wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
