The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Congratulations! We have a period
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