were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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