my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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