Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
