I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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