we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
