How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
