Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize