i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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