tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
