There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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