he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
