So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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