I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
