Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
