if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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