Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
