i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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