school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
