That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
