I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
