my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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