ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
