just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
