you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
