The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
