i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
