How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
