Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Will you blow on my dice?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
