Your dad touched me again.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
