i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
