Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
