you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
