Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't turn off my feet"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
