Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
