my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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