I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
