this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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