We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize