I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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