So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
