I can text with my tongue
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
