I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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