I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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