It's a beautiful day for a hangover
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
