the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
