I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
