I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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