On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
