HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
