Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
