Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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