you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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