Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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