All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
