I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
