The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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