that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
