peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
