remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
