Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
