apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
