brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize